Last week I was feeling a bit under the weather… absolutely no energy and a bit of a sore throat. I believe it was because I ran myself down. Some of you might know the routine…you go go go and try to do much and not allow yourself to regenerate. We all fall prey to being sick now and then, whether it was because we picked it up from someone else or in my case push yourself into being forced to slow down. The end result is the same. You feel tired, crappy and wish that you could have your normal energy level back. That is the world that I was living in for most of the week. I would like to think it was the Universe’s way of telling me to slow down because I wasn’t listening to the warning signals via my intuition. Whatever the case, it got me thinking. You see I had plenty of time to do that in between long bouts of sleep and the double dose of movies that I watched daily because I didn’t have the energy to do anything else. What was I thinking about you ask? Well being a bit of an analytical person, there was a couple of things that I wanted to understand better.
The first thing that I wrapped my brain around was the fact that I noticed some of my fears were tremendously being magnified while I was sick. I am normally a very positive, optimistic person through and through as all of you who know me would attest; but during a span of 2 or 3 days I was struggling big time.
Why was I struggling? I was struggling because I began to worry about things that were out of my control and things that weren’t normally relevant. Why was this? Was it because I was feeling weak, tired and vulnerable? Was it because I wasn’t in my normal daily routine which included exercise, being outdoors and meditation? Was it because I felt like I was missing out on the wonderful possibilities that normally lay before me each day while I lay in bed and watched movies not having any energy to leave my house? Or was it because I now wasn’t in control of my life because of the weak nature I was in. I came to the conclusion that it was a combination of all them with a heavy tilt toward not being in control of my life. Here I was, feeling weak and helpless because I couldn’t control my situation. Normally I am out in the world daily controlling every aspect of what I do relying on my inner guidance and intuition to guide me. But here I lay, feeling fatigued, weak and definitely not in control. It is a feeling that I don’t like and never want to get used to. But then it hit me….as I looked back to the week prior to my having fallen sick, I wasn’t allowing my guidance and intuition to lead me. I remembered that I was trying to force things and control things that weren’t really resonating deep down inside me. There is a very distinct difference. When we allow our intuition and guidance to come through and lead us, we flow along smoothly and effortlessly. When we try to control things, force things, and push things into place, we become out of balance, fearful and potentially run down just like I experienced. Although I felt like I already knew this, it was a huge wake up call to continue to trust my intuition and inner guidance although I had temporarily allowed myself to forget this very important lesson.
Which leads me to the other thing that I am trying to wrap my brain around…. ever notice that when you get sick you do all kinds of things (lots of sleep, eat better, vitamins, rest, drink lots of fluids) to get well again and then when you are well you do all kinds of things (not enough sleep, eat not so healthy, go go go and neglect rejuvenation time) that can make you sick? Something to think about………..